Do autistic people lack empathy?

No. Autistic people can experience the full range of empathy, but they may recognise, process or express it differently. Research involving autistic adults found wide variation in their experiences, including deeply felt emotional empathy that was not always visible to other people. Difficulty interpreting social cues should not automatically be mistaken for a lack of care.

What is hyper-empathy in autism?

Hyper-empathy is an informal term used by some autistic people to describe experiencing other people’s—or sometimes animals’—emotions very intensely. This may feel overwhelming, particularly during conflict or when witnessing distress. It is not a formal diagnosis, and autistic people’s experiences of empathy vary widely.

Is alexithymia the same as having no empathy?

No. Alexithymia means having difficulty identifying, distinguishing or describing your own emotions. It can make it harder for someone to explain how they feel or interpret emotional situations, but it does not mean they are uncaring. Alexithymia can occur with or without autism, and research suggests it may explain some emotion-processing differences previously attributed to autism alone.

Black blocks with various facial expressions depicting empathy on a blue background

April 13, 2026 · By Zoey Nichols

Autism and Empathy: Meeting in the Middle

If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation thinking, “I don’t know what just happened there,” you already understand the heart of the double empathy problem.

The double empathy problem is an idea from autistic researcher Dr Damian Milton. It suggests that when autistic and neurotypical people misunderstand each other, it’s often not because one person is “bad at communication”. It’s because two different communication styles are trying to connect, and missing each other.

The good news? If misunderstanding is shared, then so is the opportunity to improve it.

This isn’t about “us vs them.” It’s about learning to communicate across difference - with curiosity, respect, and fewer assumptions.

What is the double empathy problem?

In simple terms:

Autistic people may find neurotypical social cues confusing or hard to read.
Neurotypical people may also find autistic communication confusing or hard to read.
When both sides are working from different “social rules,” misunderstandings can happen on both sides.

So rather than asking, “What’s wrong with autistic communication?” the double empathy lens asks:

“What happens when two people communicate differently, and neither has been taught how the other communicates?”

Why does it happen?

1) Different social signals mean different things

Some people rely heavily on hints, tone, facial expression, and small talk. Others prefer direct words and clear meaning.

Neither is better. But when we’re not used to the other style, we can misread it:

Directness gets mistaken for bluntness
Quietness gets mistaken for disinterest
Different eye contact gets mistaken for rudeness
A literal answer gets mistaken for “missing the point”

Often, it’s not a lack of care - it’s a mismatch in how care is shown.

Three people gesturing with their hands in a conversation.

2) We all understand people who communicate like we do

Most of us find it easier to connect with people who “speak our social language.” That’s true for autistic people and neurotypical people.

It’s why someone might feel instantly at ease with one person and awkward with another - even when everyone is trying their best.

3) One communication style is treated as the default

In many workplaces, schools, and everyday situations, neurotypical communication rules are seen as “normal” - and everything else is treated as a problem to fix.

That can create a lot of pressure for autistic people to constantly translate themselves, keep up with unspoken rules, or mask their natural style. That can be exhausting, and in some cases lead to potential autistic fatigue.

Acceptance doesn’t mean everyone communicates the same way. It means we stop treating one style as the only “right” one.

What the double empathy problem is NOT

It’s not saying autistic people never struggle socially.
It’s not saying communication is easy if you “try harder.”
It’s not blaming neurotypical people.

It’s simply saying: misunderstanding can be mutual - and that’s an important shift, because mutual challenges can be solved together.

What does this look like in real life?

Here are a few common moments where the double empathy problem shows up:

“They’re not making eye contact, so they must be uninterested.”

Alternative: they may be listening better without eye contact, or eye contact may be uncomfortable.

Two men sitting together, talking without making eye contact, in an outdoor setting.

“They’re being blunt.”

Alternative: they may be aiming for clarity, not trying to offend.

“They didn’t join in the small talk so they’re unfriendly.”

Alternative: small talk might feel confusing, pointless, or tiring - especially in noisy environments.

“They’re overreacting.”

Alternative: sensory overload, stress, or sudden change can push someone into overwhelm quickly.

These aren’t excuses - they’re explanations. And explanations make empathy easier.

How to reduce misunderstandings (without turning it into a rulebook)

No one needs a script. What helps most is a shared mindset:
assume good intent, and get curious.

1) Swap guessing for clarity

Try:

“Do you mean X, or Y?”
“Can I check I’ve understood?”
“Would you prefer I be direct?”

2) Say the quiet part out loud

A little context makes a big difference:

“This is a brainstorm, nothing is final yet.”
“No pressure to reply straight away.”
“It’s okay to ask questions.”

3) Offer options for communication

Some people think best in writing. Some need processing time. Some prefer one-to-one over group talk.

Instead of judging the style, support the preference:

“Do you want this in an email?”
“Would you like a minute to think?”
“Want to follow up later?”

4) Treat communication as collaboration

Instead of “That’s not how you say it,” try:

“Here’s how I heard that — is that what you meant?”
“I might be reading between the lines — can you clarify?”
“What would you like me to take from this?”

That’s not correcting someone. It’s meeting them halfway.

A group of people inside the Harry Specters chocolate factory talking and laughing

Why this matters: acceptance is a shared skill

The double empathy problem is actually a hopeful idea. It reminds us that connection isn’t about forcing everyone into one version of “normal.” It’s about learning each other, the same way we do when we’re communicating across cultures.

When we stop seeing difference as deficit, we get:

fewer assumptions
less stigma
more patience
better relationships
healthier workplaces and communities

And that’s good for autistic people and neurotypical people alike.

Want to explore more? Read about common autism traits or discover how Harry Specters creates empathetic, autism-friendly employment.

#Autism and Neurodiversity

Share:

0 comments

View Hide

FAQs

Find frequently asked questions here

No. Autistic people can experience the full range of empathy, but they may recognise, process or express it differently. Research involving autistic adults found wide variation in their experiences, including deeply felt emotional empathy that was not always visible to other people. Difficulty interpreting social cues should not automatically be mistaken for a lack of care.
The double empathy problem is the idea that misunderstandings between autistic and non-autistic people arise from differences in how both groups communicate and experience the world. Rather than placing the difficulty entirely with the autistic person, it recognises that each person may struggle to understand the other’s perspective. Research has found stronger rapport and connection in some interactions between people of the same neurotype.
Hyper-empathy is an informal term used by some autistic people to describe experiencing other people’s—or sometimes animals’—emotions very intensely. This may feel overwhelming, particularly during conflict or when witnessing distress. It is not a formal diagnosis, and autistic people’s experiences of empathy vary widely.
No. Alexithymia means having difficulty identifying, distinguishing or describing your own emotions. It can make it harder for someone to explain how they feel or interpret emotional situations, but it does not mean they are uncaring. Alexithymia can occur with or without autism, and research suggests it may explain some emotion-processing differences previously attributed to autism alone.

No. Autistic people can experience the full range of empathy, but they may recognise, process or express it differently. Research involving autistic adults found wide variation in their experiences, including deeply felt emotional empathy that was not always visible to other people. Difficulty interpreting social cues should not automatically be mistaken for a lack of care.
Hyper-empathy is an informal term used by some autistic people to describe experiencing other people’s—or sometimes animals’—emotions very intensely. This may feel overwhelming, particularly during conflict or when witnessing distress. It is not a formal diagnosis, and autistic people’s experiences of empathy vary widely.

The double empathy problem is the idea that misunderstandings between autistic and non-autistic people arise from differences in how both groups communicate and experience the world. Rather than placing the difficulty entirely with the autistic person, it recognises that each person may struggle to understand the other’s perspective. Research has found stronger rapport and connection in some interactions between people of the same neurotype.
No. Alexithymia means having difficulty identifying, distinguishing or describing your own emotions. It can make it harder for someone to explain how they feel or interpret emotional situations, but it does not mean they are uncaring. Alexithymia can occur with or without autism, and research suggests it may explain some emotion-processing differences previously attributed to autism alone.