Late-Diagnosed Autism: Zoey's Story

By Zoey Nichols

How could it take decades to find out you’re autistic? It might seem surprising, but for many adults (especially women) a diagnosis of autism comes much later in life. Being a late-diagnosed autistic person is often a mix of relief, grief, and a deeper understanding of who you really are.

For me, that diagnosis came at age 31 after over a decade of trying to get help, but never getting the answers I needed. While the journey to get there wasn’t easy, finally being able to say “I’m autistic” changed my life for the better.

The Early Signs Others Missed

From childhood, I knew I was different. The world around me was too loud, too fast, too confusing, and everyone else seemed to just know how to behave, while I was still trying to understand the rules.

Birthday parties were always particularly overwhelming as a child, and I often ended up trying to stick close to the adults when possible.

That feeling of not fitting in became a constant. I was often bullied at school, and even when I changed schools, it followed me. Social dynamics, especially as a teenager, became impossible to navigate.

By the age of 15, I’d reached breaking point. That’s when the carousel of medical appointments started, GPs, mental health nurses, therapists. No matter how many times I repeated my story, it felt like no one really heard me. Each time they’d start their response with the same sentence, "well, everybody feels like that sometimes."

The Problem with Autism Stereotypes

Like many women, I didn’t fit the stereotypical view of what an autistic person “looks like.” I forced myself to make eye contact, I had advanced speech from a young age. I liked Thomas the Tank Engine as a child, sure, but not obsessively. 

Despite autism being present in my family, no one considered it could apply to me too. As it turns out, autism often presents differently in women and girls, and many of us get overlooked.

Instead, I was misdiagnosed, medicated, and misunderstood for over a decade.

The Lightbulb Moment

In early 2018, I read an article about autistic women diagnosed in adulthood. For the first time, I saw myself in their stories and it was like a light went on in my mind. I felt like I’d finally found the answer I’d been searching for since I was a lonely 7-year-old staring out at the night sky, wondering if I were an alien.

After years of being told I was “too sensitive” or “being dramatic,” it was the first time I felt seen.

My GP agreed there was “strong evidence of autism” and referred me for an assessment, but I was told the wait could be up to two years. When the pandemic hit, it got even longer, but by that point I’d already been waiting over 10 years.

The Diagnosis: A Hard-Earned Truth

Finally, on 22 April 2022, I had my autism assessment. It was three hours of questions, honesty, and vulnerability, and one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. 

There was this constant, gnawing doubt in the back of my mind of ‘"what if I’m not autistic?" and "what if I really AM just being dramatic?" Which took an incredible amount of strength to push through.

But I was autistic. I always had been. Finally having that confirmed brought more than just relief, it brought understanding. 3 years later I know I still have more to learn about myself and my brain, and I'm grateful to have the chance to do it.

From 15 to nearly 35, it's been a long but worthwhile journey!

Why It Matters

Being a late-diagnosed autistic person can feel like reaching a turning point in a story where everything suddenly clicks into place. After years of confusion, your experiences start to make sense, and while there may be grief for the time spent misunderstood, there's also power in finally understanding the plot of your own life.

Research from charities like the National Autistic Society shows that many adults, especially women and non-binary people, are missed due to outdated stereotypes and a lack of awareness.

Masking, or hiding autistic traits to fit in, is also more common in women, making it even harder to spot. But masking comes at a cost: exhaustion, burnout, and mental health struggles. Many adults, like me, only reach diagnosis after years of being misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression, symptoms of something deeper going unrecognised.

Moving Forward with Self-Acceptance

A late autism diagnosis doesn’t fix everything overnight, but it does give you a foundation to build from. It helps reframe your past, understand your needs, and embrace your future, not as someone who is broken, but someone who is wonderfully, differently wired.

I’m grateful for how much more information and awareness exists now. We still have a long way to go, but stories like mine are becoming more common, and that gives me hope. Hope for a future where there won’t be so many sad and lonely little girls waiting decades for the opportunity to understand themselves, and make themselves understood.

If you see yourself in this story, know this: you’re not alone. You’re not “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” You might just be autistic, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s a different way of being human.